Looming First Birthday

My baby is nearly a year old. A year old! A whole freaking year old! My baby is nearly a year old! This, by default, makes me old. Im old. She is old and I am old. OLD! And it only took 365 days. My god!

I can hardly wrap my brain around it. I weep remembering back to the day she was born. I weep when I watch her sleep tonight, taking up a larger and larger portion of her crib as the days pass. I weep because Im a crier (see Just one of those nights...) and my baby is growing up so quickly. I never imagined being this emotional over the milestone. I don't know why this surprises me, I have squealed with delight and cried over all the other milestones. I have posted pictures and praised and bragged about my kid to the moon and back. And yet... I am surprised how much this birthday overwhelms me. My amazing little girl; my tiny little 25 weeker; my ass kicking, smirk wearing, hostage taking (of hearts of course!), cat crushing, 'dada' loving, little girl is growing up too fast!

I spent days, and weeks, and months begging Kahlen to get bigger and stronger... and now she is big and strong and I want to beg her to slow down. Ironic, no? I want to slow time for a few days. I want to take the time to remember how she feels in my arms, as I have forgotten how it felt to hold her when she was a mere 2, 4, and even 6 pounds. I want to take the time to commit her toothless grin to memory before her two new teeth take over her mouth. I really want to take the time to commit her attention seeking laugh, her infatuation with Steve's running shoes, and the way she nuzzles into my neck when we cuddle, to memory. I don't want to wish away another moment. I made a promise tonight, to Kahlen, that I would never wish away another second with her. I am resolved, I am committed, I am in love.

And with her wicked sense of timing she calls out to me "mom mom mom"... duty calls. I guess my baby is still a baby after all :)