Where is OUR safety net?

Having your first kid can put strain on your marriage. I've heard so many parents reflect on their marriage during their first child's first year as being a 'rough patch', a 'tough time', and even as 'the year I just wanted to smack him every minute of everyday!' And now, being a first time mom, I can see where these experienced parents were coming from. I mean (and don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he loves me) there are in fact days where I just wanna smack him and say 'what are you thinking'. Its such a change, and no matter how prepared you think you are for it, you really have no clue. You might have checked off every box on your 'preparing for baby checklist' but nothing can prepare you for the change in priorities, communication, and lifestyle that comes with kids. 

Ok, you're all wondering. Are the Keller's having marital problems? Don't worry the answer is No, but we have had a major change in the way we live our daily lives, and it isn't always easy to say 'please and thank you' in the same way we used to. I wondered while we were in the NICU with K, what having a 25 weeker would mean for our marriage, above and beyond the fact Kahlen is our first kiddo. I was fortunate that the crisis of having Kahlen early actually brought us closer together. But not all parents in the NICU are able to do this, by no fault of their own. It is such a life altering experience, and in most cases it happens suddenly, without warning, and without a chance to step back, regroup, and move forward as a cohesive unit. Not unlike other traumatic experiences, we all deal with things so differently. None of them are 'wrong' but I can imagine how frustrating it would have been if Steve had dealt with it in a way contrary to me, or in a way I felt was 'wrong' (for whatever reason).

I have been fortunate enough to keep in touch with 15 NICU families, and many of them are going through 'rough patches' right now. It makes me frustrated think that the hospital doesn't have more 'safety nets' in place for the parents. Nothing is spared to help our kids! I really believe there should be a program (for those that want it) of support for parents. I know this wont solve the 'first year marital slump' issue but it might help parents avoid or navigate some of the pitfalls the NICU has to offer. It might just make that first year a bit less of a wild ride. I doubt having extra support or help will have any negative effect on anything but the hospitals budget. I just hate to see good people continue to 'suffer' after surviving the trauma of the NICU.

Am I the only one?

(Note: Beth, the social worker at RCHs NICU, does an amazing job with the resources available to her! This is no slight against her and all the wonderful work she does!!!)

What does your fridge say about you?

Ready? OK!

Im lazy. Its true, I'll be the first to admit it. However, I am MORE of a glutton than a sloth... so, when I get hungry for sweets, I bake. Last night was one of those late night gluttonous baking nights. First I made sugar cookie dough. I found the recipe on my friends 'goody blog' (Megan's goody Blog). Megan is a baking woman extraordinaire, which is even more impressive when you hear that she and her husband Paul are in Uganda helping build a new school (Megan and Pauls blog), and that Megan bakes without all the help of modern conveniences (like an electric beatter/mixer). So, inspired by Megan I gathered the ingredients, opened the laptop to the recipe and got started.

I got started and quickly realized that I was going to have to be creative. Kahlen was sound asleep (and sick sick sick) and there was no way I was going to wake her by turing on the mixer. So, what did I do? Guess! You really never will. In fact Im almost embarrassed to admit it. I took the ingredients and I took the mixer. I walked through the kitchen, through the living room, through the bedroom (and closed the door) and... into the ensuite bathroom (and closed the door). Please don't judge me! I was VERY careful, and Steve's bathroom is super clean (cleaner than mine infact!) and had been scrubbed top to bottom with bleach earlier that day (Yes! My husband DOES clean bathrooms). Once the butter and sugar were creamed, I returned back to the kitchen and decided to do the rest by hand using my HUGE biceps.

Thumbs up! Looking good!

See? HUGE!

And As I took this picture of my bulging muscles, well actually after I took it, I looked at my fridge in the background and started to ponder (Watch out! Another one!) about peoples fridges. What does your fridge say about you? So, I took pictures of the inside and the outside of mine in case you want to judge me based on what you see (or dont see)!

Inside 

Outside

Our 'communication board'. Affectionately referred to as 'the board'.

Magnet, Friends contact info, and NICU buddy's christmas picture.

Pictures of me as a kid that I store here in case I get the chance to try and convince some unsuspecting schmow that Kahlen DOES look like me... even just a little bit.

Our Chore list partially covered by wedding pictures of Uncle Lindsay and Auntie Scott.

Our family calendar (Thanks DC!)

So there you have it. I was going to blog about baking... but its late now, and Im sick and tired. So instead of actually blogging about baking, Im just going to post all the pictures and let you blog the story line in your heads. For authenticity's sake, make sure you make up a few words, have a random ponder, and spell every 26th word wrong! Thanks for reading!

(this last pic is for my mom. This bowl was one that she and my dad used when I was a kid. I think it may have either been a hand-me-down to them or a wedding gift. I have it now sucker! Best bowl ever!)

Parenting 101

I heard a mom at the mall yesterday say "well, MY child is perfect". I began pondering about that statement last night (yes! Watch out! Another ponder!) I sat down, and honestly asked myself "do I think Kahlen perfect?" And a great battle in my mind ensued. Part of my brain said "Of course she is! She is your daughter and all mothers are supposed to think their kids are perfect!". Another part of my brain was saying "Perfect? My kid doesn't sleep through the night! Perfect? Thats a joke!". And yet another part of my brain went back to a phrase my mom said when I was a teen that stuck with me "Perfect is boring!". And after much pondering, after the battle field in my brain was cleared and the dust settled, I decided that "NO my kiddo is NOT perfect, and I love her that way!" 

Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful baby. She is a riot, a hoot, and a constant source of joy and laughter in my life! She keeps me on my toes, teaches me, learns along side me, and makes me feel complete (no matter how cliche it is)! But perfect is boring. Perfect eliminates the possibility for growth and change. Perfect desroyes those moments of excited learning. perfect is static, unchanging, and as my mom worded it 'Boring!". So I'll take my kiddo, just as she is, with room for growth and learning and change.

After having this epiphanal (is this a word?) ponder, I decided to browse online looking for parenting resources that supported my new ideology that kids are NOT perfect and need challenges and oppertunities to change and grow. These are a few I found that piqued my Curiosity:

The Committee of Skeptical Inquiry

This particular article on the site was an interesting read. Im not sure I agree with all of it, but for arguments sake, its a good 'think inducing' read. Its kind of slow in the beginning, but it picks up relevance as you go.Its basically exploring the possibilities created when raising a critical thinker.

SkepDad Blog

An interesting take on the elements of critical thinking: The "Three Eyes".

.... And just like that, my 'not so perfect' Kahlen wakes up just when I start to hit my searching stride.

Love it. Love her!

(P.S. I don't consider myself to be a skeptic, but I find I tend to lean more towards being a skeptic than being a faithful believer. I hate the idea of being classified, it seems limiting. I did include two skeptic websites though so I though I needed to make some sort of note to clarify ;)

The Simple Side of Love

After having a very lazy day at home, I managed to finagle (and yes that IS a word!) a good friend into going for a coffee with me. She, being the wonderful mother she is, brought her 2 wee girls with her. Both her kids are VERY well behaved. The baby slept soundly, and the 'big girl' sat patiently in her chair nibbling away on a chocolate chip cookie nearly the size of her head. I sat sipping my 'London Fog' while Miss K lay lazily in my lap, greedily sucking away on a expertly warmed bottle. The dulcet and sultry tones of Dianna Kral's voice float around us, as we chat. Bliss! What more could I ask for?

I ended up getting more than I bargained for. As my friend excused herself to change a diaper, the 'big girl' gave me some advice and insight miles beyond her 4 years. "when you love someone it makes you feel so good". I agreed, "It sure does, doesn't it?". She went on to tell me that she was in love, with Marcello, from her preschool. "What makes you love him," I probed. She sat back in her chair, put the tip of her small finger on her chin, and struck an almost comedic 'thinking tableau'. "He can count. He knows all his numbers". I grilled her, as only a mother can do, "anything else?" A long pause...."Nope". And then I found myself leaning back in my chair, taking another contemplative sip of my london fog, and replying "well little Miss. You are one smart cookie". Simplicity in love. No mind games. No dating around till you find the perfect fit. No crap, B.S, or games. Just ask yourself "can he count? Does he know all his numbers". Ha!

Anyone of my single friends wanna try this new approach to assessing love and give me some feed back about its success rate?

Hello? Can anybody hear me?

Ok. I put the feelers out before and got some response, but perhaps I didn't give it enough time. Maybe I did, but only 4 people feel that my pathetic attempt at a blog is worth reading? Hmmmm. So this time, I wait a few days longer. A week or two perhaps. Im trying to decide if its worth muttering, bumbling, and fumbling though this blogging thing.

So, if you read this and think I am moderately (and yes, I use that term loosely) entertaining then leave a note in the comment section. Id even take suggestions about what you want me to blog about, or not blog about (don't say Miss K though, that would be a deal breaker). I nervously await your feedback.... that is, if anyone even reads this. *Fingers Crossed*

Greatest Inventions

I was doing some pondering this evening, as I sometimes do, and I gave some thought to the inventions that have helped made my daily life what it is today. Some of these, include:

*Telephone (1876)

*Automobile (1885)

*Remote Control (1898)

*Washing Machine (1907)

*Bra (1913)

*TV (1923)

*Credit Card (1950)

*E Mail (1971... Yes before the internet. Wild! I know!)

*PC (Personal Computer-1973)

*Mobile Phone (1977)

*The Internet (1983)

*WWW (World Wide Web- 1990)

*GPS (Global Positioning Device- 1993)

taken from the 'Timeline of Historical Inventions' found at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_historic_inventions
(and YES, I know wikipedia is VERY unreliable, but come on, its after midnight and K is going to be up soon)

(NOTE: this is by no means an exhaustive list. My life IS more exciting than this... I think?!)

There were a few things that were missing from the list. I felt compelled to give them their due recognition, since they have made my life 'better' in some way. So without further jibber-jabber:

*The soother/dummy/pacifier/binky (1902)

*Spandex (1959)

*Silica Cat Litter the kind that you never need to scoop/change the pee parts (1958)

* 'slip on' shoes (1200 BC)

*Breast Pump (1854)

*Chewling Gum (1870)

*'Old School Madonna Songs' (1984)

*Hair tie/Ponytail holder (1957) and the Bobby Pin (1922)

*Instant Mashed Potatoes (1962) Invented by a Canadian too!

*After Eight Mints (1962)

* Revlon 'Big Apple' Red Nailpolish (1932)
*Days of Our Lifes (1965)

(Note: this is STILL by no means an exhaustive list...*sigh*... my life appears pretty simple though)

So, There you have it ladies and gentlemen (though I suspect I have zero male readers).

The close/end/cessation of my evening ponder.

Oh wait I forgot one:

*The Pillow (3500BC)