Just one of those nights...

Im a crier. Im a big time crier. Just ask the people in my life. I cry, and Im not a fan of hugs (which often makes for awkward moments). I cry because 1) Im a softy, and 2) I often don't know how else to deal with something. I cried every day while K was in the NICU. Literally everyday. Tears of joy, sorrow, and fear. Often several cries a day. Now, I cry less often, but I cry. I cry when I think that my amazing little 25 weeker is going to be a year old in 10 days. I cry because I am so happy that she is sleeping quietly in the next room right now. I cry because we were told she would make it, twice. I cry remembering the times she was blue and unmoving. I cry remembering the first time I held her, the first time she wore clothes, the first time she smiled. I cry because I haven't finished processing it all yet, and Im at a loss how to deal with these heart wrenching memories. I weep bitterly, cursing everything and everyone at all once, about how unfair it was Kahlen came early, and then chastise myself for being so selfish. My daughter, my amazing little girl, is home... is healthy... is thriving! I am so lucky and have so much to be thankful for.... but I cry.

I am making a new blanket for Kahlen. I suppose if I am being honest I am making it for myself too. I am reverse nesting. My daughter is nearly one, and I have decided (sometimes against my better judgement) to start nesting. Odd, but so is life when your kid arrives 15 weeks early. I am on the floor with meters of fleece fabric. Warm, soft, inviting fleece. I am cutting, measuring, cutting again, and swearing. I laugh out loud at my pathetic attempt at domesticity (yet another one), and yet am excited for tomorrow morning when I show Miss K what I made her. I document the fiasco with pictures, hoping that Martha Stewart never stumbles across my blog, and Days of Our Lives plays in the background.

Then, she whimpers. My sleepy little girl whines. Quickly the whine develops and evolves into a cry, and then a wail. I leap up, 'mom to the rescue', and open the door to find her standing in her crib begging "mom mom mom". She desperately reaches for me, and I lift her and embrace her. She inhales deeply, still begging "mom mom mom" and then she lets out a long, sighing, peaceful, breath and melts into my arms. She snuggles her nose into the nook of my neck, and releases the tension of her body, trusting me to support each and every part of her growing body. She breaths deeply, and slowly, and I hum some random unplanned melody. We snuggle in the dark. Me, sitting on the most uncomfortable kitchen chair in the world, unsuccessfully masquerading as a nursery chair; and Kahlen, sleeping peacfully in my loving embrace. I cry. Its okay though, Im already getting a hug from Miss K... and for a change, its not an awkward one.

Olympic Adventure

Steve, Kahlen and I headed downtown to take in some olympic spirit and fun today. We had planned to head down early in the day and just go where the wind took us. Unfortunately for us, our plan, and my brother... my brother ended up in the emergency with REALLY bad stomach pain :( After some IV morphine, and his GF arriving and being by his side, he started to feel... well nothing really (morphine has that effect on yah)... and I left the hospital knowing he was in capable and loving hands. Steve and I decided to head downtown even though it was really late in the day with the "hey, at the very least we'll get out, get some sunshine, and take in the energy of the games". So, we stuck K in the sling (a Hug of Joy. Quite easily the best sling EVER!) and walked the half a block to the sky train station. Miss K was a HUGE flirt and ham on the train (once she got used to it), and had everyone 'oooo'ing and 'ahhhh'ing over her cuteness! Steve wanted to get a picture of her on the train (since she was being so cute) and this was the best he could get. Needless to say, she did not want to pose for the camera.

Once we got downtown we decided to walk around and get the lay-of-the-land. There were TONS of people. We knew there would be lots, but lots just doens't cover it. IT WAS PACKED! But it was great. The energy of the crowd was fun, polite and very canadian :) Any time anyone yelled "GO CANADA" the sea of people erupted into cheers. It felt wonderful to be Canadian! We wandered along taking in street shows of song, dance and even magic. We wandered in and out of stores and Miss K sang the whole way with a HUGE smile on her face. And then, right on cue (4:00 nap time), Miss K put her head down on my chest, closed her eyes and fell asleep. So I swung her into a laying down position in the sling and she snoozed away as we walked some more. I really wanted to see the lantern tree forest, having seen other peoples pictures of it, I though it looked REALLY cool. It was o.k., but not as large and impressive as I had thought it would be.  It made me think back to when we were trying to buy a home, and we loved all the pictures of a few places but when we got there we quickly realized that the pictures were more exciting than the home.

Knowing that we were on a time constraint (I needed to be home in time to go to Ladies night with the NICU mommas) we decided that we should set course for the Olympic Culdron to make sure we got the chance to see it (we are planning another, longer trip to see more next week but you never know, things come up and plans change quickly). Kahlen woke up just as we arrived and desperately wanted to be held by daddy which was fine with me, and made for some nice photo opps.

So cute in their matching jerseys. Thanks Auntie K!

Mario Bros. Coma

Imagine this. It is 7:53. Your child is always in be bed, sleeping in 7 minutes.  The new Mario Bros game is prepped and ready to go in the Wii, the beer is cold, and the PJs are waiting warm from the dryer with extra fabric softener. "SWEET!" you think to yourself, just like a grade 8 boy having heard confirmation that his friend actually touched a boob. "SWEET SWEET SWEET!" Only... that kid, doesn't go to sleep. The beer waits, and PJ are donned and quickly, and unceremoniously, covered in drool. The lesson? Life with kids rarely goes as you planned.

The good news, however, is that we all still had a great night.
Kahlen stayed up, but barely! She lay on the floor all snuggled up in the 'nook' of the breast feeding pillow, which happened to be draped in the worlds softest blanket at the time, and gently nibbled on her teething ring. We termed this the "Mario Bros. Coma".  She stayed in that coma, silently nibbling away, for nearly 2 hours. It was almost comedic. No. It WAS comedic. There were times when Steve or I jumped up or made a loud noise, just to make sure she was still breathing. She was adorable! I realize this type of stillness might be normal for some babies, but Kahlen NEVER stops moving. NO JOKE. She is like an energizer baby (check out the previous post where I taped her playing for 20 minutes in time lapse. You will begin to understand just how much she moves). So it was a nice break for us, and she seemed to really enjoy the terrible video game playing skills of her parents!

Now the actual game. It was comedy at its finest. I swear we have never laughed so hard in ages. We laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and SUCKED! We were terrible! Horrible! Im sure the beer didn't help our cause. It was the first time since K was born that I indulged, and had 3 whole drinks. Im not ashamed to admit, I was drunk. Ha! Pathetic! But we had a blast and stayed up till nearly 2am. As we dragged out pathetic, tipsy, video game playing asses to bed, we lamented about how K would be up soon and that we would be "sooooooooo tired". As an additional perk to a fun night, we also had a babe who slept for 10 hours. BLISS!

So. If you have a crazy baby, a wild baby, a baby who never stops moving. Turn on the Wii and put that baby in a Mario Bros Coma and enjoy your night!

G.I. and Stanley Park

While Steve was on his days off we decided to get out and enjoy the weather (before the rainy season starts again). We went to Granville Island and wandered around deciding on what goodies we were going to buy to dinner (fresh pasta, produce, chicken, sausage, seafood, etc...). Then we indulged in some doughnuts from Lees Doughnuts (YUM!), some fudge (caramel chocolate), and eventually lunch (perogies and buritos). I took a quick snapshot of Kahlen and Steve eating lunch on the 'patio'. Both are trying to look super cool... can't you tell (tee hee hee)?

Then we decided to take a walk around the sea wall. I couldn't resist getting a picture of Miss K and I. She is such an amazing little thing!

We walked for a long time, and slowly the sun started to dip and it got darker and darker.

Eventually we walked 'around the corner' and saw a beautiful sunset. Steve snapped this picture of Kahlen and I. I look terrible, but Miss K is a smiley girl. She is too cute! I am such a lucky mom!

At the end of the walk we saw several herons catching diner in the shallows of the 'bay'. I tried to stop and take an artistic shot...good thing I don't take pictures for money eh?

It was a wonderful day with my family. I love my life!

Kahlen's Home Coming!

Okay, I am a bit late but...

due to popular demand here are the home coming pictures!

I had planned to get all dressed up (hair and make-up) and get K all dolled up but when day 12o finally arrived and we were told we could finally take K home from the hospital I didn't care what any of us looked like... I just wanted to get home and be a family! We decided to walk home rather than take the car because we live right next door.

Looking back it was a nice warm day, sunny, and full of promise.

Thanks for the close-up mom... NOT!

Wow. She is so small here. This picture was taken about 6 weeks ago

and K is now 3 lbs heavier and 8cm longer.

Dad and Miss K standing outside the hospital doors!

Dad walking through the parking lot on our way home.

Almost home...

I know I went a bit overboard with the pictures but

its not every day my amazing 25 weeker babe comes home!

Walking in to the complex... almost home...

At the front door of the building... almost home...

Walking through the front door...

WE ARE HOME! A FAMILY! UNDER ONE ROOF!

Snuggling my girl. Honestly I couldn't believe we were at home.

No nurses, not doctors, no monitors... just the three of us at home!

Miss K about to go in her crib for the first time.

It took some time to really believe we had her home, and that we didn't need to take her back to the hospital. A dream come true. Brining her home was amazing. Simply amazing!

We are VERY luck parents. We have a VERY special little girl!