Im fighting a loosing battle

I keep getting ideas for new posts but forgetting them. I think I may be loosing my memory. I fear I am getting old. Here is the mounting evidence in support of my old age:

- I found 3 new grey hairs this week (all of which I promptly plucked)

- I say things like "I remember that gas only cost 33 cents a litre when I first started driving"

- I have a kid. No, worse. I have a toddler.

- I actually eat breakfast at breakfast time

- Young people offer me their seat on the bus.

- I play 'Sag. Where is it?" rather than "Tag. You are it!"

- I have more food in the fridge now than beer in the fridge.

- I look forward to getting into my PJs and having a dull night.

- I turn of the lights to save money, not to make things romantic.

- I find myself singing along with the elevator music and saying "I loved this song when I was a kid"

- I have a party and when I apologize to the the neighbours they say "I didn't hear a thing!"

- I have begun to think that having sex while Kahlen is asleep in the next room is 'wild'

- My friends are getting married and divorced instead of hooking up and breaking up

- I no longer know what time all the fast food chain restaurants close at night.

- my grocery list actually include vegetables and fruit and not just 'rice' and 'kraft dinner'

- A late night run is now made to the grocery store for diapers instead to the liquor store for 'one more bottle'

- more and more frequently I find myself thinking "you know,my mom was right about this."

Terrifying. Truly terrifying. I remember the blog ideas were 'great' and would most certainly entertain the masses (most likely at my expense). I honestly can't remember a single one though. Hmmmm. This bites (Eeeek. Even saying THAT makes me old!)

Is that the sunrise already?

It is nearly 3am.

Kahlen has been crying and screaming off and on for 3 hours. 

It looks something like this: 

This is just am example of K melting down, This picture was taken yesterday afternoon.

I am at a loss. I have tried EVERYTHING. Seriously, EVERYTHING, and yet she cries. It breaks my heart and makes me furious at the same time. I snuggle her, reassure her, and... she cries.

Im at a loss. This is the worst part of parenthood!

*Warning Adult Tantrum*

Bad things come in 3s? I call bullshit. Pardon my language... but COME ON! I think I am on 'bad thing' number 32 in the past 18 months. Uhhhh. I was feeling negative before, but this... THIS, is the icing on the proverbial cake. I quit. I can't win. I try but I'm fighting a loosing battle against some... some... THING, I cant see, hear of ass kick. Uhhhhh. Give me a F*#@ing break! I am frustrated beyond any measurable means... I am PISSED. FURIOUS. ABOUT TO UNLEASH....

What, you ask, pushed me over the edge? Wouldn't you like to know...

Sodium Junky

Hi, my name is Kelsey and I'm a sodium addict (Hello Kelsey). I have been sodium clean for nearly 45 minutes now (clapping, and words of encouragement). I first started using sodium when I was a kid (nods from the group). In the beginning it was just once in a while (more nodding from the group). A little salt on my dinner, a few potato chips as a snack, some mac and cheese for lunch. But as I got older, it started to spiral out of control. I was able to hide it for a while. I used to make excuses in front of my friends, "I only use on weekends" or "everyone else is doing it too." And everyone bought into my excuses, or turned a blind eye to save us both the awkwardness/embarrassment (nods of familiarity). It just got worse though. I lost my control. It consumed me (you're not alone. We've been there) I would wake up with salt all over the pillow and a bag of chips ripped open and licked clean beside me. I couldn't leave home without a salt shaker or bag of corn nuts in my pocket. I always was thinking about where and how I would score my next fix. I shrank...no...dissappeared from my social circle. I cancelled ladies night so I could sit at home in my PJs and eat rice swimming in a bowl of soya sauce. I used and used and used until I was so dehydrated I barely remember the month of January. I knew I had hit rock bottom when I snatched a cracker out of my daughters tiny little hands, greedily licking it, as she cried objections at me. I need help (you've come to the right place). I need to get better for myself and for my family (we're here for you). Thanks, I...I.. I just want to get better (Coming here is a great first step).

Okay, its not quite that bad, but I am a self professed sodium junky. One of my New Years resolutions was to decrease my sodium (or white death, as my father in law calls it) intake drastically. Support me. Be my SJA (Sodium Junkies Anonymous).

FYI: Here are the top 20 individual food sources of sodium in the American diet (couldn't find bupkuss about the Canadian diet):


1. meat pizza
2. white bread
3. processed cheese
4. hot dogs
5. spaghetii with sauce
6. ham
7. Ketchup
8. rice
9. white buns/rolls
10. Flour (wheat) tortillas
11. salty snacks/corn chips
12. Whole milk
13. cheese pizza
14. noodle soups
15. eggs
16. mac and Cheese
17. 2% milk
18. french fries
19. Creamy salad dressings
20. potato chips

Muffin Tops

Before I dive into the 'meat' of my latest culinary fiasco, I should make it clear I am speaking literally about muffin tops and NOT the fat parts of my waist that bulge over the top of my pants creating a 'well baked' effect, and causing me to lament about not working out enough.

So, my latest culinary delight...more accurately, fiasco. I was having 'the girls' over for an evening of Big Love, Movies, and chit chat. In keeping with Steve and my agreement (which is to use all the food in our pantry before buying anymore 'pantry food'), I decided to bake some muffins for my guest and use up some of the pantry goods. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone, so-to-speak. So I dug up the old family recipe for oatmeal toffee muffins from the dusty vault in my memory (I feel obligated to emphasize it was VERY dusty, so you judge me a little less as your read, and feel more pity than disgust at this posts conclusion) and pulled out the necessary supplies. A bag of Skor toffee baking bits and a bag of oatmeal muffin mix. Okay, its not really an old family recipe, but the ingredients were in the pantry (in keeping with the deal) and made for a good indulgence for my story. Play along! Where was I? Oh yes... I pulled out the ingredients, mixed them together, poured the batter into the mini muffin pan (I make minis cause they are so darn cute) and then had an unfortunate realization. I forgot to grease the muffin pan. "SHIT!" I exclaimed. I really did. Out loud. Kahlen gave me a disapproving look, then went back to chewing on her stuffed hippo. "Darn it!" I corrected. Being the lazy baker I am, rather than removing the batter, cleaning the muffin pan, greasing it, and repouring the batter I say "Meh, Im sure it'll be fine" to myself. It is NOT fine. I cant get the muffins out of the pan. No, that is a lie. I CAN get them out, but when Im done with them they no longer resemble muffins. They look more like a pile of discarded muffin crumbs. Which I suppose is essentially what they become, so its fitting. I try in vain to scoop a few out, to salvage just a few, to serve my guests. No dice. Each attempt produces a more pathetic excuse for a muffin than the last. So I give up, put a tea towel on top of the muffin pan (to hide the evidence from my guests) and forgot about the fiasco until my guests left.

Then I engaged in full blown shame spiral... I ate the tops off the muffins. Out of the pan. In my undies (okay I made that part up but it makes for a better story). They were DE-LISH!

And, once I was sufficiently stuffed with muffin tops I left the muffin pan on the coffee table, waddled to bed and had a great sleep. The next day, I looked at the pan. "Shameful," I muttered to myself. I moved the pan from the living room, to the kitchen, and unceremoniously dumped it, face down, in the sink and forgot about it. I finally decided to deal with the pan tonight. The muffins were not only baked on/in, but were now stale and even more stuck on (which I didn't think was even possible) cause the toffee bits melted and then hardened after spending some time in the sink! So I grabbed a spoon, turned on Days of Our Lives (Beau and Hope, just get back together already!), and proceeded to scoop the crusted, stale, remnant muffin bottoms from the pan. Glamourous!

I suppose the point of this post is to... uhhhh.... no point really. Anyone have any ideas about the moral of this story? Suggestions welcome. Be kind though. I may be a terrible baker, but I have feelings. Ha!